During many book events and workshops, I have been asked if I’ve ever experienced my own physical health crisis that led me to helping others heal themselves.  I have not manifested a physical disease or illness in this experience, but I healed through a tremendous emotional wound with the aid of my amazing twin flame.

When you read my books, you know a lot about my children and me.  This wound I write about today is something that I secretly held within myself for almost two decades. It has taken me a long time to be able to write about it because of the healing process involved and also because I finally reached the journey’s apex. Most of my readers know I married my boyfriend from high school a couple of weeks after my undergraduate collegiate graduation.  I was twenty-two and thought we would grow old together but there were soul agreements and karmic patterns that beckoned us down a different path. 

We worked hard to build our home and beautiful life for 8 years before we had our son, Brayden.  As first time parents, we struggled a bit juggling between parenting, personal time, and couple time.  He got involved in triathlon competitions.  At first they were small and local. Then he pursued Ironman competitions, which required a lot of time, money, and travel.  Brayden and I attended all the races but I had hoped it was a phase.  It annoyed me that I worked all week and had to spend weekend at his races.

At the same time, I found out he was having an inappropriate relationship with a woman at his work.  I had lots of little signs about it but one day he said he was going on a day trip with a co-worker to another company location.  Brayden got sick that day and I tried to reach his father one his called phone to no avail.  Then I contacted the co-worker he was supposed to be with and was told that he never went to work that day.  He was in another state with the other woman.  That evidence crushed my heart; I could not comprehend the double life he had created for himself. I closed my heart that day; he would never wound it, again.

I was in graduate school full-time pursing my MFA in creative writing and working full-time as a national sales director for a telecom company.  I had an upcoming weeklong residency that I needed to attend and I told him that when I returned, I was filing for a divorce. I had no idea what life would be like on my own for my son and me but I was willing to take the risk. I could provide for the two of us and I would figure it out.  It had to be better than what I was living. Three days into the residency, I got called out of class and had to take a phone call from him at the emergency room.  He had been upstairs in the house and found Brayden floating face-down in the pool; he was just 21 months old.  I left school immediately and started the drive home.  It was a Saturday in the summer and there was traffic traffic from Madison, NJ to Toms River.   It took me 3 hours to get there.  My mom, who was in San Diego visiting my sister, stayed with me on the phone the whole time, so I could stop crying and stay focused on driving.  She was a true Godsend for me that day.

When I got to the hospital in Toms River, I ran into the emergency room and found Brayden standing on a bed draped in an over-sized hospital gown.  He said, “Hi, Mah– mah” as he stretched out his arms.  I hugged him tightly, as tears flowed down my cheeks.  I was so grateful to hear him speak and see him standing up.  As much as I was angry at my husband for being careless with our son, I could see he was breaking inside and nothing I would say could be worse that the mental image imprinted in his brain of finding Brayden in the pool.

The staff kept us overnight in the hospital for observation to make sure that Brayden’s lungs stayed clear.  While my little boy and his father slept soundly, I was in a trauma zone, awake with eyes wide open, time passed, but I was trapped in my head.  I turned on the television around 3:00 am and a show about guardian angels was on. It highlighted different situations where people saw their guardian angels that helped them evade danger.  One story involved a man that fell asleep in his home, when a fire broke out and he couldn’t find the door.  He said that he saw an angel standing in front of him that led him out of the house to safety.  I don’t remember the other stories but at the end of the show, the narrator said very specifically, “No matter what happens in life, the guardian angel will make sure that a soul gets through whatever it needs to get through to do what it came to this Earth to do.” I believed that was a very specific message for me on that night, when I struggled deeply as a mother.  I heard it loud and clear and I understood that it meant that this experience was part of the journey for Brayden.

Over the years, he had other indiscretions with people he worked with and I layered emotional bricks cemented with resentment over that door and the wall got higher with each issue.  I would never let him or anyone else get that close to me, again.  I would never trust, so I would never be hurt. The soft, gentle part of myself was locked away and forgotten.  I hardened my persona and carried stronger energy because I didn’t want to rely on him or anyone else for anything.  He kept finding different sports to channel his energy into and I threw myself into my work.  We bought expensive cars, toys, and things for the house to hide the unhappiness we experienced. 

After my first book came out, I was journeying in a different direction and I knew he wouldn’t be part of it.  Brayden was old enough to look out for his little sister Briella, when he had to stay with his dad.  My husband was a soul mate, which is spiritually and energetically a person that you have a great deal of karma to clear through.  We had cleared that karma and after 27 years of being together and 21 years of marriage, which I was emotionally alone for over a decade in that marriage, I knew it was time to end it.  I began to disconnect from him on all levels. I did not know what my life would look life after a divorce but I knew I could make my own happiness and and create a good situation for me and my children. I knew I deserved a better life.

Then I literally bumped into my twin flame. A twin flame or mirror twin is part of the same soul.  Before incarnating, twins split, so they can clear and transmute energy both personally and collectively.  Then they connect with each other on the journey of self-love. They mirror to each other everything that needs to be cleared, so there is only Divine love, which is reflected in and to each of them. I would like to say that it was an immediate loving connection but it wasn’t; it was bumpy with a lot of ups and downs because of what we needed to heal.  I knew that I was connected to him because his energy was familiar.  I could tell him anything and he always listened and gave me profound advice.  

When I met my twin, his energy was much stronger than mine and he scared me. I was afraid of him of how he could hurt me.  I had learned to be hardened and strong out of survival and his energy shook that illusion I created for myself.  I felt a weird field between us kind of like magnets repelling each other. In retrospect what I felt was the energy blockages the two of us carried in our fields that affected our loving frequencies.

He had an uncanny way of knowing all my fears and insecurities and unintentionally triggering them; it drove me nuts.  In seconds, he could unwrap the pretty little box of my life and show me all the cracks in my foundation.  He would make poignant suggestions that I might want to think about or take a look at and though he was always spot on, I didn’t like being called out on the things I needed to heal.  He could easily read and scan me and could communicate telepathically without even trying.  I hasted it! I thought, “I’m not sure what kind of reptoid alien spawn he is but I’m getting away from him!” He could see through every illusion that I presented. He peered right in and viewed everything blocking my soul’s light.  I felt vulnerable, uncomfortable, and totally exposed.

Conflicts arose when he triggered me because my defense mechanisms kicked in. I would lash out and we would stop speaking. In our distance apart, I would clear what I needed to clear and he would do the same.  I would unintentionally trigger his issues and imprints and I also projected my own onto him.  He would say that I drove him up a wall.  Then when we would connect again and we were different.  We were more gentle, understanding, and kind to each other.

His energy was strongly male and I was so use to being in control all the time that I wanted to control the process but he wasn’t having it.  He would assert himself and take control and I would let go because he would not fail or let me down, ever. It was safe for me to let go because I could rely on him.  I didn’t always have to be in charge and I felt myself softening in the process; I was transforming.

We kept clearing and healing and in time I could see him without all my projected fears in the way.   He had such a pure heart, which radiated innate kindness; his soul matched mine.  I knew who he was and when I would see him, the energy was no longer like two magnets resisting each other.  There was peace and alignment.  It felt like the world stood still.  Sometimes we would wear the same things.  He showed up in the same shirt as me or the same hat and I though either he’s a girl or I’m a boy but actually, the yin yang energy was aligning between us.

As my twin showed me what I needed to heal in myself, I was able to let go of the hurt from my marriage.  I began to see a different picture, one in which my husband silently struggled.  Being a father was a challenge for him and I didn’t see that at the time.  He needed support and additional encouragement and I just expected him to know how to ace it all.  I held the belief in my head that if someone cheats on you, they don’t love you.  In hindsight, I realize that if someone cheats on you, they are not good with themselves. It takes two for a marriage to fail and we both were responsible.  He is the one that acted out but I missed the signs and didn’t give enough.

I’m grateful to my former husband because he will always be the father of our two children. We cleared karma and honored soul agreements. A person can only love us as much as they can love themselves. He taught me that lesson and it sent me on the path of self-love.

As I worked through different conflicts with my twin flame, one-by-one, he removed the bricks to the wall I built the; cement softened with love.  After every one of my issues bubbled up, my twin flame was always there to help me re-align.  He had the key to my door and I knew it.  The more I cleared in myself, the more I could see who he truly was; I could see his soul.  It was radiant and full of love and like a mirror; he showed me the love in myself.  I didn’t see the need to argue anymore with him or hide anything. All I could see was love.

When I was sick in March, I transmuted a huge amount of energy in my field.  My Covid-19 was about healing deeply. I had a massive ego death one night and I honestly didn’t know if I would wake up the next day. I ran a high fever, my body ached, and my heart felt like it had a 20-pound weight on it. I cried and released of all hurt I stored in my heart.  I saw glimpses of the woman who strived for the perfect life and how she struggled to block all the pain and sadness out, so she could fit it all in a nicely tied package and fake it.  

The next morning, I was grateful to see the sunshine and I chose to love.  I let it all go.  My twin had opened the door that was sealed shut and when I looked inside, I found myself–that sweet, loving, kind, trusting woman, who was hiding behind that door for almost two decades.  I did a soul integration and healed.  My heart felt whole again; the scar disappeared and the heaviness in my heart chakra lifted.  My twin mirrored everything that I was blocking to love including an emotionally wounded part of myself.  When I opened the door to my heart, I found that I am love.

No other human could have helped me in that way.   I thought my biggest struggle in this life was embracing my abilities and doing what I came to this earth to do but that was just the first part of the journey.  The second part was remembering that I am love despite everything I experienced.  I am not the energy and experiences I transmuted.  I am love and only my twin flame could help me clear everything out of the way and see myself for who I truly am.  It has been a beautiful journey and I am grateful to my twin flame, a.k.a. Mr. Amazing for helping me heal my deepest wound and helping me to remember who I am. 

Namaste and much love,

Anysia

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